


What's In A Name?

by redreaper86



Series: You're A Part Of This, Too [4]
Category: The Batman (Movie 2021)
Genre: 2022 Riddlebird, Baby Names, Colin Farrell Penguin, Cravings, Cute, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, Hand Feeding, M/M, Paul Dano Riddler, Pregnant Edward Nygma, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Edward Nygma, Trans Male Character, domestic chaos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27785926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redreaper86/pseuds/redreaper86
Summary: Oswald and Edward discuss names for the baby -- and are inspired by an unlikely source.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Series: You're A Part Of This, Too [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011039
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

Chaos.

That was the only word, Edward decided, that could accurately describe what was going on in the kitchen between the love of his life and the latter's two oldest offspring. From his place laying on the living room couch, Ed deciphered from the cacophony of shouting (that sounded not unlike a family of real penguins, squawking at each other), Oswald was once again clashing with his rebellious firstborn.

"I don't care how old you are, Ed -- Eth -- Mar -- _Ignatius_ ," Oswald was saying. "You're not dropping out of school to start your own gang. At least wait until you graduate before you embark on a career as a crime-lord."

"You're intimidated by me, father," Ignatius shot back. "What're you, afraid I'll overthrow you and take over your criminal empire?"

"That's exactly what he's planning, Dad!" Ethan piped up. "He's drawn up plans in his room and everything --"

"Shut up, twerp!" Ignatius yelled.

"And he's already calling himself the Emperor Penguin --" Ethan's words abruptly ended with a crash as, presumably, his brother tackled him to the floor.

"That's enough!" Oswald snapped, and there was a scuffling noise as he pulled them apart. "Get upstairs and get ready for school."

A bark sounded outside the backdoor.

"And somebody let Butch in. But don't forget to --"

There was scampering footsteps to the backdoor, then a clatter of claws on hardwood as a huge Rottweiler bounded across the living room, tracking mud across the polished floor as he did.

"-- wipe his feet..." Oswald groaned as he emerged from the kitchen to see a muddy, panting Butch sitting in the middle of the living room.

Edward tried not to laugh. This was better than reality TV. ' _Keeping Up With The Penguins_ ' had a nice ring to it.

Martin ran into the room, his dark eyes wide at the mess the dog had made. He looked at Oswald apologetically for letting Butch in without wiping his paws.

"It's okay, Martin," Oswald sighed. "Just grab a rag from the kitchen -- we'll get this cleaned up."

Ed quietly marveled at Oswald's ability to navigate through the domestic chaos, all the while being so patient with his various kids, all three of whom, plus the dog, were being very trying this morning. Edward knew he wouldn't have handled the situation as well as Oswald was right now. And he shuddered to think of what his own father did to him when he stood up for himself as a teenager. Although, Ed had good reasons to defy his father -- Ignatius was just being rebellious for the fun of it.

A few minutes later, after Oswald had cleaned up the dog, the living room floor and shooed the kids out the door to catch their school bus, he let out a loud sigh that would have done a disgruntled water buffalo honour.

"Would you believe that this is what I call a relatively _quiet_ morning?" Oswald groaned, running his hands through his hair which made it stick up crazily.

Ed couldn't hold back his laughter.

"It's not funny, Edward," Oswald said, smoothing his hair back down. "It's gotten so hectic around here, I'm mixing up my own children's names."

"That's actually not that unusual," Edward said, raising himself up on his elbows as he often did when an opportunity arrived for him to show off his big brain. "It's because one's brain organizes information in a 'seminal network' in which similar things are grouped together, like file folders for different categories of people, places, things, and experiences.

"The people you love most are all in the most important folder, so sometimes saying the right name, even if the person is right in front of you, is difficult. You have to shuffle through the names in your mind's 'folder' until you find the right one. The reason you mix up your children's names isn't because you're losing your memory or going insane, Oswald. It's because you love them all so much."

Oswald looked immensely relieved at Ed's explanation of the mixing-up-names phenomenon. "Well, at least now I know I'm not going crazy."

"No, you’re just stressed out, baby." Edward laid back against the cushions. He tired so easily now that he was just three weeks short of his due date. "I'd love to give you a foot massage to help you unwind, but alas..." he gestured to his now enormous stomach, shrugging in a what-can-you-do manner.

Oswald smirked. "Is this your underhanded way of asking me for a foot massage?"

"Maybe..." Edward drawled, batting his eyelashes innocently. "You know what else I would be doing for you if you hadn't impregnated me?"

Oswald rolled his eyes to the ceiling and opened his mouth to answer --

"I'd be hand-feeding you mint-chocolate ice cream, with marshmallows and hot sauce, then giving you a belly-rub after."

"Translation: since mint-chocolate is _your_ favourite ice cream and you know _I_ hate marshmallows..." Oswald began.

"I want _you_ to feed _me_ and rub _my_ belly, yes, Ozzie," Edward finished for him.

Oswald turned to go to the kitchen, then turned back. " _Hot sauce_? On _ice cream_?"

"Precisely," Ed said, as though that wasn't a completely gross food combination. "Oh, and also, olives. With the little garlic cloves inside."

Oswald gave him one final half-disgusted, half-amused shake of the head and went off to the kitchen to prepare what was sure to be the nastiest ice cream sundae in all of Gotham City.


	2. Chapter 2

_This is definitely a first_ , Oswald thought as he spooned the ice cream into Edward's mouth. Previously, before Ed had come to grips with his changing body, he'd steadfastly ignored his cravings -- obviously worried that if he gave into them, he'd be weak, lazy, out of control and, worst of all, he'd gain even more weight. But now that he was so far along in his pregnancy, and so very uncomfortable all the time, Edward seemed more willing to indulge himself. Which Oswald was more than happy to help him do.

"Ooh," Edward winced, putting a hand to his temple. "Brain freeze!"

"Sorry," Oswald said, placing the spoon back in the bowl. "I must've fed you too fast."

"No, no, it's going away now..." Ed massaged his forehead a little. "Okay, it's gone. More." He opened his mouth like a hungry baby bird. 

Chuckling at his boyfriend's cuteness, Oswald obliged him with another spoonful of ice cream, this time with an olive on top. He still couldn't understand the weird combination of Ed's newest pregnancy craving, but he was glad the younger man was eating what he he wanted and not beating himself up over it.

"I've been thinking about names for the baby," Edward announced through a mouthful of ice cream, marshmallows and -- ugh -- hot sauce and olives. "Even though we know she's going to be a girl, I don't want anything too ultra-feminine. Because suppose the baby grows up to be non-binary? Or gender fluid? Or trans, like me?"

"That could happen," Oswald assented.

"I just don't want her to have to legally change her name all the way if she's not comfortable with it," Edward explained. "I want her name to be versatile. With different options to it."

"So if she wants a more androgynous name, she has that option," Oswald said. "And if she wants a more feminine or masculine name, she's got that option as well?"

"Exactly," Edward said with relief. "You always know what I mean."

"How about..." Oswald said, looking up as he stirred the remains of Ed's unseemly dessert in the bowl, "...Olive?" He held up the small oval fruit of the same name for Edward's inspection.

Edward's green eyes widened with delight. "Olive! Olivia, Oliver... _Ollie_ \--! Oswald, you're a genius."

"I'm glad you approve," Oswald laughed, amused at Ed's childlike enthusiasm at his name choice.

"She's going to have the same initials as you!" Edward realized, all but squealing for joy. "Olive Cobblepot."

"What about your last name?" Oswald asked carefully.

Edward shook his head dismissively. "I don't want 'Nashton' anywhere near her name. My father will _not_ get that honour. What about...Enigma for her middle name?"

"Olive Enigma Cobblepot," Oswald said with satisfaction. "That's a lovely name. What do you think, little one?" he murmured, gently prodding Ed's tummy. "Do you approve?"

Ed giggled. Then he gasped and clutched his stomach. "I think she does more than approve, Oswald. I think she wants out!"

Oswald set the bowl down. "Do you mean..."

"I mean it's -- _ahh_ \-- its time!" Edward exclaimed, staring in terrified fascination at his own swollen stomach. " _Oswald_! She's trying to escape!"

"It's okay, baby, just breathe," Oswald got up, held Edward's hand and helped him up from the couch. "Nice and slow. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"I didn't even pack a go-bag," Edward groaned, as the two shuffled to the front door like a pair of wounded soldiers.

"Don't worry, I already did. It's in the car," Oswald said, as he locked the front door of the house.

"Really? When did you do that?"

"Nine months ago."

Edward burst out laughing only to groan in pain as they hurried toward the car. "I honestly don't know what I'd do without you, baby. I love you so much."

"I'm going to hold you to that, sweetness," Oswald said, bundling Ed into the front passenger seat, strapping him in like a child, slamming the door, hurrying around the car, jumping into the driver's seat, starting the car before launching it into reverse.

"Why?" Ed asked.

"Because pretty soon you're going to be cursing my name."

**Author's Note:**

> Special shout out to Esperata who suggested a family pet for the Cobblepot family. And special shout out to all fans of the Gotham TV show who will surely recognize who the aforementioned pet is named after.


End file.
